Man Absconds with the Body of Christ – 20% Religious Zeal

Senior parishioners laid the smackdown on Samuel Ricci after he attempted to make off with more than his share of the communion wafers at the St. Martin de Porres Catholic Church in Jensen Beach. Ricci was detained and is being held on $2,000 dollar bond.

According to his haircut, he won’t be posting bail anytime soon.

Ricci, there are much better things to steal when you’re hungry. Communion wafers have the taste, consistency, and nutrition of toilet paper, but they’re less filling.